Flash Fiction Results III

“Trainyard”

She was always nervous around attractive people. Skin stretched smooth over strong jaw lines and collarbones framed by modern cuts made with old fabric. She watches distinguished brows furrow at bright tattoos, tight rolled joints, and sweet plum sake. She secretly massages her throat trying to find the right words to say. Most of the time words come out fawning and muddled: she tries to wipe the drool off her chin but can’t seem to keep it clean. A sandy boy eyes her snake-toothed with knotted pulse. She doesn’t want to see this, hides in the bathroom from these kinds of stares--would rather see the mountains burn: Flaming and bright.


Notes and Reflections: Oh sweet shit. I *hate* this ending (after "knotted pulse").* I know I seem to bitch a lot about my writing but this is one of the challenges I discovered about Flash Fiction: endings are hard. Usually, my method for writing is that I allow the language to take the story where it needs to go. With flash fiction, I don't have as much time to meander. None of my Flash Fiction stories were 100 words, most are around 130. I think that if I were to continue writing in this form I would have to exercise more discipline: writing, re-writing, and cutting out my "darlings"**. It's not that other writing doesn't require this kind of discipline, there is just a shorter time in Flash Fiction to get your point across lyrically. I have seen it done before, good flash fiction. These pieces just aren't up to par. Perhaps I'll revisit Flash Fiction in a few weeks/months.

Additionally, although I like the wording of this piece (especially "snake-toothed with knotted pulse"), it completely lacks a story. Girl goes to Place X, feels awkward, runs away from a boy staring at her, wishes she were somewhere else. Fuckballs. Why don't I just open up my high school journals and copy that shit onto here? It seems so masturbatory, writing this Amelie-like kind of character. It's cute, but it's trite. /end rant&sweary critique.

*Actually, on second thought, I do like the way "stares" sounds. I'm a sucker for long "a's" and one syllable words.
**"Darlings," for those of you who don't know, are words/sentences/paragraphs that you absolutely adore and don't want to part with but you need to anyway.